Grounding My Overstimulated Children

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Before we begin, I recognize that the term "grounding" has dual meaning in parental circles. This story of grounding is not of the punishment variety. My first born, a beautiful baby girl was a giggly, wiggly, belly jiggling bundle of joy, infectious with life. I was a stay at home mom at the time. My days were filled with caring for my family, from sun up to sun down. My daughter and I formed a bond that words can't describe (I tried).

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She started talking at around 9-10 months. Before she turned 2 years old, she had a full vocabulary, or at least enough to form short 6-8 word requests. She'd sing along to her favorite songs and ask mommy "time to eat?"... Somewhere between 18 and 22 months old, she started getting stuck mid-sentence. I could see her reaching for the word and getting confused when it wouldn't come out. I asked her father if he'd noticed it too. Initially he didn't but when I started to point it out, he dismissed it as a phase.

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Did I mention I was pregnant with giggly wiggly number 2 at the time? Trying to manage undue stress, I decided not to panic. At first, I started withholding what she was trying to ask for until or unless she completed the sentence. When I realized that she was genuinely struggling to verbalize her thoughts, I sought treatment. The neurologist diagnosed her with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) within the first 20 minutes of the appointment. Her father was enraged, believing doc's speedy assessment to be incompetence. He demanded we get a second opinion.

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After a brief period of denial, we had a long and difficult conversation then ultimately decided to start Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) treatment sessions. With the help of her IEP team, we landed on a treatment plan. It took a while for me to find my voice during these IEP sessions. My job was to advocate for my daughter but this was all foreign to me. Caring for a child with special needs and supporting them as they learn to navigate the world, it's not something that comes naturally (like parenting), it's learned!

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After the initial assessment, I made a list in an effort to prioritize our lessons at home. Her most prominent frustrations were related to the gap in communication. She couldn't form the words to vocalize her requests. So I picked up ASL (American Sign Language) and taught her and her father a few words. ASL drastically eased the tension in the home by bridging the communication gap. Next, we had to find a way to "ground" her...

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My daughter bounced off the walls (literally). She'd run from one end of the room to the other, with no purpose or direction. Autistic children are sometimes desensitized to pain, as was the case with my daughter. She'd hit the corners of the coffee table, stump her toe on furniture feet, and keep moving like nothing happened. She'd have fresh bruises on her calves, shins, and feet everyday. What was more concerning for me was that she'd no longer sit through story time or her favorite educational shows.

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How was she supposed to learn anything if she could stay still long enough to sit through a lesson? So, doc's solution was a combination of "personality" meds. Because of my upbringing, medicating my daughter was a non-starter for me. Thankfully, her ABA suggested a weighted vest and taught me how to make it. I sewed one from scratch with pockets for removeable weights. In 2012, they weren't as readily available as they are with 2-day shipping today. The vest proved to be another piece of the puzzle needed to complete the treatment plan.

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Once grounded, she was able to learn again! To this day, her main setbacks involves social and communication delays; not knowing what's "appropriate" in certain settings. Due to our current living arrangement, I have to re-learn my daughter every year. Trying to find solutions in the short time I have with her are ineffective if not continued at her primary residence. For this reason, I try not to be too hard on myself or her. I'm confident that my daughter is intelligent enough that she will learn to navigate social settings that can be tough even for typically developing brains (like mine).

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If you're learning to raise a child with a developmental delay, know that you are not alone. These unique challenges aren't something you can prepare for. But with the right support system, you and your child(ren) can grow and learn together. Thanks for reading; I hope your story can inspire others as well.

Are you on a journey of your own? Share your story!

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